ASM

Here is a bit of an excerpt that I wrote as part of a guest blog for my classmate's blog. Time is really pressing so I figured I would share it here as well. Sorry for the lack of posting but time has been very full and when I am not performing, doing homework or trying to make income.... I'm usually soaking in a bathtub or passed out asleep. :) God bless you all!

God has me here to restore my life and to heal me. I truly believe that the Lord brought me here to heal some festering wounds from decisions on my part and uncaring, abusive decisions that others made. I truly am so thankful to be in such a loving place to learn, pursue the gifts and talents God gave me, and to have time to heal and figure out more and more about God’s character and his devout faithfulness to this undeserving daughter of His.

Being here has been so wonderfully thrilling, daunting, exciting, and terrifying all at once. I decided at age 30 to quit my safe job and walk away to spend a year studying and performing at a theatre with 11 young adults who are a good chunk  younger than me, living in a city where I knew basically no one and would not have any income to continue providing for the things that unfortunately do not go away just because you choose to pursue honing your craft in a conservatory environment.  It has been a great exercise in learning to trust the Lord as he literally has to meet my needs financially for food, health insurance, car, housing, etc while trying to pour every ounce of heart and hard work into every opportunity I am giving. The Lord has been graciously faithful to me to meet my needs and refresh my soul with his gentle spirit.

The conservatory experience has already taught me so very much and has stretched me in such wonderful ways. From the 11 shows of week which we perform at least 9 of those and when we are off we are diving into shadowing and working with other departments, learning any and every role we can to be able to swing for (Where you are ready to cover any role if they are out or need to be shifted), reading plays for independent study, and doing all our homework for our current classes which include: Viewpoints, Improv, Speech, Sight Singing, Singing for the Stage, Discipleship, Acting, Ballet and Musical Theatre Dance. Our teachers are so kind and wonderful. They truly want to see us succeed and grow but they do it with the kindness and compassion of Jesus which is really refreshing after spending the summer studying at a secular professional musical theatre conservatory in NYC.

Rehearsal process for Jonah going into opening our show for the public was such an eye opening experience of just how wonderful of a place that Sight & Sound really is and all the work that goes on in the background from back stage, deckhands, stage managers, costumes, makeup and hair, to the hardworking sales dept, janitorial staff, etc.  It’s mind boggling to think about what all happens, how fast it happens and the beauty of the heart that it happens with all so that the patrons that fill our seats may have an experience that truly touches their soul, prompts their hearts to reach out to Christ and prayerfully will ultimately change their eternity. It’s a blessing and honor to be a part of it and more times than not I feel extremely unworthy to be here but I am so thankful that God chose for me to be here.

For me, I am enjoying it all, even in the moments where I am cranky, tired, or facing something that pushes me out of my comfort zone or may even scare me (like driving the fisherman boats!) I am so thankful to be here. Sometimes, I find myself in the middle of a show just saying “Thank you God. I am so glad I’m here” -- Usually that happens during the storm scene when I am a wave puppeteer and during the Ocean scene when the Whale rushes over the crowd and I get to hear the cheers, and “oohs & ahhs” from the house of the theatre!

Above all, my absolute joy so far this year has been being a part of ASM-- After Show Ministry. After each show, the patrons are invited to come up the front for prayer for anything they may need prayer for or to dedicate their lives to Jesus Christ. So far, I have had the great privilege to pray for 4 different families and it has been truly beautiful to help carry their hearts, burdens, sorrows to the almighty King and to rush His throne room with thanksgiving and request to lay at His feet. Most days we are at the theatre for 12 hours days or more if we need to stay and rehearse then I usually leave and go home and do homework and try to do some work where ever possible to make some income. Amongst all that mixed in with exhaustion and sometimes hanger (Hungry anger! lol), It can be really easy to lose focus on what matters most and what we are here for. ASM truly keeps me in true perspective. I am so very thankful and look forward to covering many families in prayer. I pray that the Lord continues to work in all of our hearts cast, employees and patrons alike as He is faithful to complete the work that He has already begun in us! God bless!

One year ago today... One week from today...

Playing Glinda at Footlight Theatre with my ECBC Community Group who encouraged me (along with many others!). I literally would not be here without them.

One year ago today, I had the pleasure of being in my first show with a local community theatre in Charleston, SC. I finally walked away from someone who was always telling me what I could/should and couldn't/shouldn't do and finally started the process of figuring ME out including who I was, what I wanted and what I did not want and more importantly who I was in Christ, what Christ wanted and did not want for me. It was a beautiful day to be walking into Footlight Theatre, FEELING COMPLETELY FREE FROM THE CHAINS THAT HAD BOUND ME SO STINKING LONG, to play Glinda the Good Witch in a children's montage show of Dorothy in Wonderland where the two worlds of Oz and Wonderland collide. I had been in the middle of life coaching with the wonderful Robyn Agnew of iThrive Life Coaching and I had just said to her "I want to get back into performing. BUT only as a hobby though. I definitely do not want it to be a career."  Deep inside, I knew I wanted it as a career. Those words were merely just a defense mechanism because I was terrified. Singing was the one thing in my life I was confident that I was decent at and could do and I desperately did not want someone to take that away from me. It would crush m to get to an audition and have someone tell me I just was not enough. A year ago today, I was in the middle of the show run for Dorothy in Wonderland and I knew. I knew I had to do it. I knew it was now or never and I had to give it a chance. I did not pursue this in school because I was scared of rejection, thought I should make a wiser adult career choice and was in the expectation that I would be married and have 78 kids by the time I was 30. (ha!) Boy was a I wrong. I am so thankful for second chances and for a God that creates us for specific purposes. I am thankful that He knows what we need and that He is good and faithful to reveal those things to us in his good time.

That was a year ago. After 7 years of no singing and/or inconsistent singing and chasing things that were not meant for me, I finally started this crazy journey which lead then to doing two shows with AFTC for Piccolo Spoletto and the MOJA Festivals in Charleston as well as studying at Professional Musical Theatre Conservatory in NYC this summer. Now, I'm here. I live in Pennsylvania now and we open Jonah in one week. Our friends and family preview day takes place on Friday and we open the show on Saturday! WHAT?! How did this all happen? How did I get here?! And where is the time going? It is blowing my mind that I have almost been here for two months and we open in just a few short (and by short, I mean long, grueling rehearsal filled) days. I cannot praise God enough. I thank Him for this journey and for His good provision. If you are reading this, I know you most likely had a huge part in that. I am thankful for your prayers and provision. I am thankful for your love and encouragement. Thank you for being a part of my story and allowing me to be a part of yours!

I think this year is honestly going to be more so about the work that He is doing in my heart rather than my acting/performing skills (though I pray those grow exponentially as well.) The Lord is healing a lot of damage that was done in my young adult life whether that be from ill-meaning or well-meaning people; damage is damage. I am excited about how God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are working in my life and healing and restoring things in his time with his goodness, faithfulness, love and mercy. I am thankful for the specific people He has placed in my life in this time whether it be for a season or a life time. I am thankful for people who graciously love me and speak truth into me. Who don't put up with my non-sense or allow me to believe/speak lies about myself or live life believing the lies that people and Satan has spoke to me or over my life. I am thankful for the Life that they breathe into my life. I am thankful for the mercy they exude even in the littlest of actions. God is good and knows what he is doing. He knows what we need and it is my prayer that I allow him to work in me. I want to allow him to create a clean heart in me and remove the ugly that is so deeply rooted in my heart. I am thankful to be here even on days when it is hard. I am thankful for the areas where I am aware that I am weak and need to grow emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I am thankful that awareness can lead me to healing and change if I choose it to. Holy Spirit, I want it to! I desire it too. I pray that the Holy Spirit fills me. I want to engage in worship that ushers out shame and sin by the Holy Spirit's presence. I want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that there is no room for wrong lie-rooted belief systems to be inside of me.

As we open the show, I will post some pictures of costumes and things of that nature but for now it must remain a mystery just like the depths of my heart and my wrong thinking that the Lord is continuing to mold and change due to his grace and goodness.

The Christie/Dixon Team. Gabbi is my track partner aka my other half this year! She is a beautiful lady and is so radiant when she is on the stage. I am so thankful to share this spot with her this year.

Some dressing room truths! Made this sign that sits right in front of me at my dressing room mirror.

So thankful to be a part of this journey. Everyone from the director, to costume/hair, to stage management, and everyone in between-- they are completely mind blowing. Truly phenomenal-- opening day, here we come!