Tomorrow is the day. When I wake up, it will be day one of Sight & Sound Conservatory. We have our orientation tomorrow, welcome lunch, tour and dance shoe fittings. I am blessed to already have met all but one of the conservatory students so I am thankful that lessons the anxiety of the day since I don't have to meet new people but rather await eager and excited to go through the good times and hardships of the year with them as friends, brothers and sisters and growing into successful performers. I already know they are wonderful so it leaves me with excitement and joy!
Today was a beautiful Sunday. This morning most of us students woke up and met to attend church together. It was a really great experience getting to worship with them and beginning to try out churches in the area to see which one would be a good fit for me spiritually while I am here in Lancaster, PA. Solid bible believing, bible preaching church community is so important to me and a necessity. If you could join me in praying for God's leading on where He would like for me to attend and serve at regularly I would greatly appreciate it.
So, this morning we were all at church and of course when you are a church you sing and worship. There is no greater feeling to me than singing at the top of your lungs, not caring what you sound like and just making a joyful noise with all your being. This morning I found it hard to worship like that. Here I am sitting beside and behind rows full of conservatory students; all of which I have not heard sing before but they got in, so I know they can! And I found myself paralyzed to worship in that manner that I desire to. I found my mind already comparing my singing to the singing of the 11 other individuals around me. Comparison is a thief and robber of joy. I am so thankful I had this opportunity to experience this at church this morning because the Lord revealed to me an area of my heart that could be an issue this year as I go thought his program. It was also a struggle when I completed my program in NYC this summer. I do not think that I am alone in this. In life, we tend to look to our right and look to our left and compare our worse with someone else's best. In the grand scheme of things, we are comparing lemons to apples. Somehow that doesn't seem enough of a difference... It's like comparing lemons to puppies. They are both so incredibly beautiful and delightful and wonderful in their own ways. They both have purpose and characteristics to them even though they are radically different. And it is the same with us. God gave me my voice. My voice is not like any others. I know for a fact that there will be moments during this year (lets be real...probably this week) where I hear a fellow class mate sing, dance, or act and I will question myself. I will doubt the Lord's gifts that he has given me, my decisions to come here, and forget His faithfulness to make my path clear to come here. It is obvious that I was supposed to come here. Ye of Little faith, Blair. How quickly you are to forget that you loved, precious and created in the image of a most high God and that He has you. He made you. He made your voice. He made Wes's voice. He made Nicks voice. He made Aaron's voice. He made JT's voice. He made Hannah's voice. He made Amanda's voice. He made Gabbi's voice. He made Ellie's voice. He made Kinsey's Voice. He made Emma's voice. He made Abby's voice. He made them perfectly to reflect Him and to glorify Him and mine will do just that if I will do as psalm 104 says: "I will sing to the Lord as long as I live."
Lord, I want this year to be for you. I know I am quick to forget your faithfulness. I know I am quick to be selfish and prideful leading to make it all about me and my glory. Lord, I confess that position of my heart to you before I start this year as ask you to work in my heart. May I glorify you with my voice as long as I live and sing, perform, dance, study, love, encourage, praise you from the deepest depths of my being every single day of my life. With tears in my eyes as I write this, I am amazed that you would even love me in my muck and mire. I am amazed that you would take me from the pit of despair that you did and call me by name and claim me as your own. I am humbled that you choose to love me and give me chance after chance despite my lack of faith and obedience each day. Lord help me to walk out obedience and faith this year in a way that glorifies you alone. Stay my eyes on you and do not let them stray to the left or to the right if it is to compare myself. May I only look to the left or to the right if it is to love, encourage, speak truth, proclaim the gospel and talk of your love and wonders.
Tomorrows the day. I will sing to the Lord as long as I live!
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